journaling 2

first:

someone snuck into my apartment tonight. they’re laying next to me right now. it’s 3 am. i’m full, full of shit, and tired. smoked ganja all friday night and all saturday. waiting for my wife. might as well stay up, since i think she is one of two girls. and one of them might be at the bus stop in 5 or so hours. feel disgusted with myself, but that’s not new; i’m just alone again. – sugar left. it’s finally done between us.

2. i’m waiting till the full moon to go turn myself in to the rehab place; the place where everyone but i want me to go. i have listened so much that i am pretty sure that i want to be there too, but still, this is the first i have been alone without a comrade in too long, i forgot what it is like.

3. i hate pressing pause on my mp3 player. i just read a comic, stoned, about the Joker dieing. i can’t think of the world trade center anymore – it’s all i can think about when i’m interacting with my A.I.

4. working on a new zine. the other night drank gin and wounded the work. but i ain’t got anything else to do, so i’ma gonna work, cause quitting’s for quitters.

POEM

tired.
six.

seven.
eight.

and how do you do?
and did i meet you?
and i have to get clean.
and i’m so sick of this.

tired six seven eight…
waiting for you to menstruate again.
remember and remunerate me for the times i painted my beard red;
i need another cup of coffee.

i’m so sick
of this
i’m so tired;
did i see you, that night, wandering, and crazy?
your sister…

i would wash myself in my sins to show
i would wash myself in my sins to show
i would wash myself in my sins to show

journaling 1

how to start?

i finished Girding for War # 12 tonight. All that is left is for two pictures to be glued to it and then ink bought and copies made.

2. I have to find a copy of Meatloaf’s Hell in a Handbasket and bny it.

3. Nickels are the only metal money that is worth more than it’s value. So i think i am going to go to the bank and get around $50 worth of nickels, and make the most important purchases with those. They are worth seven cents each.

4. i repierced my bottom lip, in the two demon bite spikes that used to be with me all the time. It feels good. And i’m glad i did it; symbolic of not hurting Anne Frank again. I thought i saw her at the show last night, and well…who knows. But she seemed to be disgusted with me, so i have had to make a decision, and this was it.

5. Other things.

6. i’ve been sending out presents. to myself and to others here, and to others in the mail, far away, across the ocean. i’ve also given out all thirteen copies of the original thirteen of The Patriarch, which i finished and will post here. I have thirteen more printed out and will send them in the mail and given them out to special persons who are of the other coven. A copy of The Matriarch and The Patriarch both for my college English professor.

7. my ex partner might be coming back to the islands. i cut her a door, and will leave it open. i wish to see her, but it will be as it should…

8. i think i met my true love last night. but don’t want to scare her off. might (might) have a date with her on monday. i fucking hope.

9. i feel good.

poem

cigarettes and live shows.

too many, too much, walking chained without a crutch.
met you, but now i have found
that i have two choices still, deception or ground.
love, for what it may be, is good.
hate, for what it is used for, is good as well.

and my lover is coming back; but will visit with friends.
and my life is beginning as it ends.