Girding For War

 

 

 

Issue #6.   Stone of 144 Facets

‘In writing this collection the author hopes to spill forth his bloody guts and vomit up everything in his head.  Should his jaw unhinge in doing so it would be enough that his barely pulsing body be collected by those who come…’–from the introduction

 

A Journal of Christian Anarchism

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

1.   Parents                                   51.   Fear                                                  101.  Security

2.   Denouncing                            52.   Immutability                              102.  Europe

3.   Judgment                                53.   Mourning                                      103.  Poetry

4.   Rest                                        54.   Solitude                                         104.  Therapy

5.   Addiction                                 55.   Action                                             105.  Christianity

6.   Inclusion                                  56.   Darkness                                        106.  Ownership

7.   Health                                      57.   Identity                                          107.  Limitation

8.   Threat                                      58.   Note on text 2                          108.  Capacity

9.   Believability                              59.   Imposition                                   109.  Agnosticism

10. Note on text 1                           60.   Enmity                                            110.  Questioning

11. Justification                               61.   Contradiction                            111.  Catharsis

12. Negativity                                  62.   Aversion                                        112.  Hope

13. Homelessness                           63.   Attention                                      113.  Pacifism

14. Reticence                                  64.   Socializing                                    114.  Theorizing

15. Provisioning                               65.   Strength                                        115.  Justice

16. Script                                          66.   Transparency                              116.  Believers

17. Freedom                                     67.   Danger                                            117.  Friends

18. Beholding                                    68.   Grace                                               118.  Revolution

19. Pharisees                                    69.   Satyrs                                               119.  Experiencing

20. Reason                                        70.   Enduring                                        120.  Honesty

21. Deprivation                                   71.   Guessing                                        121.  Reminder

22. Violence                                        72.   Priorities                                       122.  Reality

23. Defense                                         73.   Immortality                                 123.  Obsession

24. Sin                                                  74.   Rationality                                   124.  Matriarchy

25. Charity                                            75.   Fact                                                   125.  Struggle

26. Knowledge                                      76.   Sexuality                                       126.  Mantra 1

27. Number                                           77.   Perception                                  127.  Mantra 2

28. Posing                                             78.   Journaling                                    128.  Mantra 3

29. Pertinence                                       79.   Presence                                       129.  Mantra 4

30. Reaction                                          80.   Patience                                        130.  Mantra 5

31. Miracle                                             81.   Reincarnation                            131.  Agriculture

32. Others                                              82.   Payment                                        132.  Occupation

33. Difference                                        83.   Honor                                              133.  Law

34. Veganism                                         84.   Nations                                           134.  Goodness

35. Principles                                         85.   Breakdown                                  135.  Belonging

36. Assumptions                                    86.   Overwhelm                                 136.  Division

37. Quotation                                         87.   Clumsiness                                   137.  Mars

38. Privilege                                           88.   Compulsion                                 138.  Traitors

39. Barcelona                                        89.   Death                                              139.  Note on text 3

40. Suffering                                          90.   Wordiness                                    140.  Light

41. Ardor                                                91.   Perfection                                    141.  Up

42. Hel                                                    92.   War                                                   142.  Salvation

43. Afterlife                                             93.   Capitulation                                143.  Omelas

44. Multiverse                                         94.   Ecstatics                                         144.  Omega

45. Accounts                                          95.   Pathétique

46. Scripture                                          96.   Functionality

47. Immorality                                        97.   Emptiness

48. Torment                                           98.   Codependency

49. Imprisonment                                   99.   Impulse

50. Spiraling                                          100. Reflection

STONE OF 144 FACETS

 

Introduction

 

as to the world who seems to think we met

“as you are not somebody nor its loss, but I can’t leave

you expect it quickly, yet you know as all do, by wandering

then the sea bending and cautious is millions of butterflies

we are well beyond first witness of things existing

and what knows, us our own joys wander for a host

do not ask, the lion of night wanders the sheet of day

and we arrive in a stumbling miscibility to whom will take over

to the moon miami and surrealize

 

the world feels now we are the thing in impulse

calling out mind in the dunes reaching through horse’s vibrato

of air

let’s not the world get in our way, lay us here

by the more simple things and a motivation

meaninglessly chosen of a moth

then it says why the humming bird why”

 

-excerpt                                      by tom blood

 

“But this Man, after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool.  For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.”

 

                                                            -Hebrews 10:12-14 NKJV

____________________________________________

   In writing this collection the author hopes to spill forth his bloody guts and vomit up everything in his head.  Should his jaw unhinge in doing so it would be enough that his barely pulsing body be collected by those who come to retrieve him and, by their hands, tie his eyes at last to a lasting light, which surely does climb across this sky.

Ridiculous impossibility transfixes like the memory of a lovers voice.  It is never quite like hearing the noise of speech as they stand before you, but the memory promises that there is more, always more.  So let speech be uttered.  And faces be looked upon.  The only thing that lasts, thus far, is that-which-is, and continuance, and so there is always time to turn, when alone, to a wall and look upon that which could not be.  We are blessed.  Suffering is salt on smelly meat.  Company is an infinity to keep.

 

Upon the author living long enough for you to have

received this know that much temporary bready peace

will have been had by said author due to this issue’s

completion.  I wish not any rights to anything I write;

copy, transcribble, burn, wipe the butt, and plagiarize

using this and all publications of like origin.

A glass of absinthe to you; a toast to you.  A fester-

ing waterfall from the neck in the desert of insanity to

you:  ‘I know you not and never will.  I like you much

and doubt you’re real.  But siblinghood is good to feel

for those beside you on the hill.’

 

-peace and cheers

•1. Among reasonable and probable explanations for the discontinuity between one, one’s parents, and the world there are two which stand out.  Z) One’s parents wanted to keep one ignorant.  Y) One’s parents themselves were and/or are ignorant.

 

•2. When people defend themselves by attacking ideas with demeaning and denouncing tones and mannerisms it is obvious enough that if the ideas being attacked are those that one feels it is one’s job to defend (for the sake of in-fact defending one’s identity) that one then listens with allowance and respect to the degree that one is not acting on similar impulses to demean and denounce.  –It is often the case that saying nothing at these times seems best.  If you are hurt and must pick up the pieces when your identity is devalued and denounced then you may decide not to do the same thing to another, even though it is the other’s motivation to denounce that one would be denouncing.  In all this it sometimes seems that aversion, cloistered solitude of a bubble-universe, and generalities of projectual activity can keep one from feeling devalued or devaluing others.  {X: At times perceived aggression can be simply a matter of the difference in identities and not something that is actively seen by or communicated to one.  One person’s paradigm threatening the self-deception or ignorance of another’s, for instance.}

 

•3. Hate and judgment-and/of-condemnation may be correct reactions to certain people {<self>}; and the author means not to say the author is certain of these or any matters in general – but: taking the possibility of each and every member of humanity deserving to burn in Hel into account it might be the case that all judgment-and/of-condemnation done by normal (non-divine ~ relative application of adjective) humans about other humans is thus immediately wrong, most times, and/or more correct if applied to all humans no matter who and yet simplistically stated.  e.g. ‘They deserve to choke on molten-fire for longer than any of us can conceive, and to be unable to make vocal sounds from the molten fire that fills and floods their lungs and throat completely, thus only allowing them to scream in their heads, in agony, forever.  Not just them too (for one has to be honest with oneself!); we all deserve this.’

 

•4.

 

When truth seeking is done without rest it can lead to enmity, not only with others but within and between aspects of one’s self.  Have a drink, take a nap, and then recommence the wanton self-hate and destructive spiraling.

 

•5. Addiction can be a writhing torment due to the possibility of one being cut off, because of the drugs one imbibes, from a more-correct perception of reality.  Knowing that one may not see the truth as clearly as others is horrifying and crippling, a desperate and fucking torturous agony.  Piled on this is the possibility that a more-correct perceptive sight would, in the end, give to its perceiver a more positive view of the world.  When one believes the universe to be bad the idea of it being good, or for that matter the truth being positive and beneficent, when mixed with the obvious possibility of ignorance, is utterly demoralizing and horrible; the horror pushes against the bounds of emotive capacity at all moments, always full and expanding.  Rest comes through distraction or hope or, if one is lucky, tears.

•6. ‘Social belonging’ is a matter of inclusion.  All of one’s self cannot be included in a group for the dynamic to be ‘healthy.’  All of one’s self cannot be included in one’s own identity or chosen associative framework of identity for one to be ‘healthy’ oneself.  Though it is possible that groups are, even merely at times and in special cases, actually just numbers of humans (in human groups) who associate with each other and yet do not compromise any of their identity or will excepting for the barest minimum required in order to communicate and perceive others.

 

•7. ‘Health’ is a concept tied up with the following concepts: W: That a longer life is better than a shorter one.  V: That pain is bad, regardless of whether there is meaning or purpose in human life or not.  U: That human life and being a human is a good thing.  T: That functionality, when it exists, actually has a function that can be successfully argued to be better, according to an objective and universal morality, than –to give three examples- dysfunction, destitution, and immediate death.

 

•8. The feeling of imminent death makes it harder to remember that there is not a purpose that one was living for or that was being worked toward.  It is possible and reasonable, maybe, that there is no objectively defensible purpose for a human life to work toward.  When death feels near and one feels they soon will capitulate to cessation one yearns to live. Why?  Two possibilities for a reasoned self-given explanation: S: ‘I finally don’t give a shit about other people (i.e. I do not want to serve them at the expense of my sanity, narrative cohesion, or possible trajectory of active goal-oriented action.  –a statement which could have been and/or is continually redeveloped for the specific reason of reacting in self-defense to manipulation by others or being or appearing weak (in part and possibly…)–) and since I finally don’t give a shit about them I can actually live and enjoy being alive, at fucking last; thus I don’t want to die because I have only just now begun to live.’  R: ‘If I stay alive I might actually be able to figure this fucking puzzle out, and damn if that is not my favorite part about the whole thing anyway and the only truly enjoyable activity and thing worth living human life to do, -it seems at times and/or often-.’  Actual explanation for this yearning and panic when the end nears is probably more like: ‘I am going to Hel or maybe going to Hel or feel I am going to Hel and don’t want to and don’t want to face God and don’t want to burn and don’t want to die (what is that?) and fuck, oh fuck, I could have done it! I could have done this and made this right…’ etc.

 

•9. It can be easy to believe the things people say. à People say many many things, and collected they are different and widely various, and often contradictory. à It is beneficial to believe the things people say, if only for the purpose of truth-experimentation and truth-seeking, and while keeping in mind that the only way to learn a truth that one is unaware of is by allowing oneself to be broken and go insane with revelation.  (Depending on a lot of factors, -said for the purpose of fullness and self-defense-, and depending on the truth.) à In dealing with revelation, especially if one deals with it the day long and moment to moment, it is expedient and useful to be quiet—‘no one likes bitching’, as it is said. à Belief is often the vessel for sincere communication, in as much as sincerity can exist while one has to shift into complete participation with various alien and shifting paradigms that one would not have taken upon oneself if not for the desire to know another or even to know oneself. à Thus often people say things because they are speaking into one’s paradigm with the language that belongs to and is natural in one’s paradigm and not because they are speaking the truth of their worlds or selves.  This can be endlessly confusing and makes truth-seeking hard.

•10. Note on text:  [First: There is not always meant to be a suggestive correlation between facets (such as 7à8) in terms of effort to emotively convince or manipulate reaction; some(~) fall into sequence without plan, due to not writing all facets in numerical sequence.  Second: About the form of this text—Essentially the author means to write full or nearly-full free standing points/observations in great quantity, each pertaining to existence. – Nothing else can be referred to.]

 

•11.

 

The ridiculous is never the circumspect.  Then again, it is the watchman of the long night who greets the dawn with jeering and bizarre song.  And only he respects the stars enough to cringe at their light.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

•12. Terror, fear, aversion from others and public presence and presentation, suffering, despair, etc. are all relatively good things and at the very least no worse than their antithesis’s, i.e. can be argued to be possibly as significant, correct and securing, or even morally right to go through.  One can always call to mind that the Christian fundamentalists may be the ones who have it best figured.  More on self-deception later.  First: five facets of a more lovely and beatific type.

 

•13.

 

To go off into the unknown, wilderness, or merely territory unexplored by oneself, either streets or fields or forests, is always available as an option.  It is easier with white-privilege, male-privilege, etc. but possible.  Food and warmth can be found for free.  Expediting the choosing of this option- an option that proves a natural state of liberation for all humans, in a way –is a willingness within one to die or suffer.  Both can be good, for all we know, and still can be avoided nonetheless if one so wants.  But still— to go off to tie oneself to a tree in a vast wood and die of hunger whilst hallucinating… fuckin dreamy!  An exit always to a space vaster and more whole and holy is always presented, in reoccurrence and with thanksgiving.

 

•14. Social awkwardness and burden can be put down relatively easily (~) by refusing to say a thing.  This is great cause it lets one skirt interpersonal competition.  Perhaps the best result of the action (inaction) of refusing to speak is that one can then better see who another person actually is, which, in the end and at times, is what interaction was being done for in the first place, right?

•15. The system has provided many ways to cheat it, if one does not want to work.  Remember: the capitalists cheat us every day and we all cheat each other when we have the chance, if we’re fuckers, which we are, so take any chance you can, if it serves to bolster your purpose, desire, elevation or whatever.  Then when you rock it we all fly higher.

 

•16. Reading sometimes is hard due to distraction or lethargy, maybe at times mostly due to the fact (~) that true reading will always immediately begin the process of self-deconstruction.  Writing is easier, so it is stated.  ‘Writing is just the art of putting one word in front of another.’  Paper with spaces left clear and blank can be found everywhere, in the trash, etc.  Pens can be taken as tokens from businesses who make them for various commercial reasons, pencils from library catalog stations, etc.

 

•17. The way out is not always through.  It really depends on where you are going and what is real.  To a large extent, though probably not the extent of the entirety, we not only can determine our lives, we already do, and must.

 

•18. Even if one is thrown into a cell and cuffed by prats that have taken it upon themselves to police a culture of multiplicitous autonomous sentience it matters little, possibly, and one can just remain silent (!obviously!) and observe the rare and insane impossibility of existence itself.  No matter where one goes or what happens – one is experiencing, and awe is close at hand and can be swallowed like an invisible pill, head trips forthcoming and always readily available and always able to be compounded and trumped into infinity (~).

 

•19. The Pharisees were spoken of by the Lord for various things and in various lights, including: Q: Piling burdens upon the backs of a people already carrying loads of spiritual effort and weight, yet not lifting a finger to help them.  P: Seeking to appear healthy, whole, and holy while not becoming so.  O: Caring more about their own salvation than loving others (~).

 

•20. Even Christians, when pressed for foundational answers to the overwhelming complexity of human life, draw blanks and retreat to simplicities, such as ‘act masculine’ ‘man up’ ‘get with the program’ ‘be a woman of God’ ‘fake it till you make it’ ‘you don’t have to believe everything everyone says/don’t think so much’ ‘it really comes down to goodness and love, in the end’ ‘read this book and do what it says’ ‘we’re all people’ ‘I try to be there for others’ ‘once you get to a certain point you will have to make a decision’.  But what is that decision?  What is more important, love or truth?  Which parts of the bible does one obey, if one wants to be more obedient?  The parts that say to love others, the parts that say to love God with all your strength?  Can you imagine what it would be like to really do such a thing…  The ever ridiculous and nostalgic Smashing Pumpkins sing ‘love is suicide.’  Indeed, especially with love for God (~).  Deciding to prove your love for God, as an example, by cutting off all your fingers but one and then using that last remaining finger to point to the sky constantly for the rest of your days no matter where you go—sure, this would be a heroic sacrifice for the Creator, but is it what God wants of us, is it even reasonable?  What is reasonable, anyway and at all, in light of the truth of the existence of God?  What does the word ‘reasonable’ mean, anyway?

 

‘They strike down the weak and call it justice. They ungird their loins and call it reparation. They bark like dogs and call it reason.’

– Ontillas, On the Folly of Men

•21. Elliot Smith, that brave man who knew his heart so well, is known to have said about sleep deprivation: ‘In for a round of overexposure, the thing mother nature provides.’  Yeah.  If you’re getting bored or stalling out just stay the fuck up and let it unfold.  Be careful!  Disastrous effects and harmful consequences are known to occur, though are mostly known to the individual practitioner and not divested in casual company, nor for that matter divested in close company with which one lives communally.

 

•22. Diane di Prima wrote:

‘avoid the folk

who find Bonnie and Clyde too violent’

 

•23. All self justification and most efforts at self defense and shoring up one’s ramparts against predicted critique need, in truth, not be gone through.  (And ‘need’ being utterly relative, maybe even the most relative word in this language, most closely epitomizing the meaning of the word ‘relative.’)  Psychological self defense, like self justification, is in a great deal of its essence pathetic and wrongheaded.  It is at its best a tool, used to get to a point where it renders itself unnecessary, like crutches for a broken leg.  (In thinking of what is analogous to self justification I could only at first-thought think of this one example, having to do with repair of the human body.  Tools for inanimate matter can be repeatedly necessary; perhaps this leads to what has always been mentioned with the word entropy…  Notably though, entropy is a civilized notion.  Possibly decay is as right and ‘natural’ as growth and life, as might be more obvious (possibly) to a culture not yet robbed or divested of its indigenous make-up.)  The process of self defense can be avoided by incurring the habit of repeated sub-vocalization: ‘I am wrong.  I am wrong.  I am wrong.’  It is usually the case anyway, possibly, with everything we are and do.

 

•24. ‘Living in sin’ may very seriously or even probably result in one’s death or even damnation.

 

•25. The fact is that selflessness predicates not an equal standing with others but an unequal one.  One is less, therefore one does for others’ benefit, or one’s desires are less important (better stance to take) and therefore one does for others’ fulfillment.  But if one is thus endlessly unfulfilled how is one to help others at all?  One is the ‘other’ to another.  So what should be done?  It is said: ‘Humans are broken tools.  They are repaired by mended tools so that they can then, once mended, repair other tools.’  And on and on.  But what are six billion tools in perfect condition and working order supposed to be building in the first place that they can’t work on due to spending all their time fixing each other?  Of course, if reality did not constantly threaten one then one would not have to endlessly be on guard, and so, in equal standing with others one could invest time according to who needed what aid when.  But truly, it is the innocent (read – ignorant) who are those not threatened by their very existence.

 

•26. I am a fool.

 

•27. When watching a group of humans stand still silently, the group saying nothing and all watching one thing without moving, one sees a very impressive thing.  The larger the group the more impressive the sight of it is, in certain ways.  When one sees a group of deer do the same it is maybe even again more-so impressive.

 

•28. It is possible that all matters of identity and social relation stem from the fear of Hel and the subsequent desire to not consider it at all.

 

•29. Song: Sleepyhead.  By: Passion Pit.  Off of the album: Manners.

 

•30. One fights against one’s most personal beliefs, behaviors, and motivations when one finds them in other people; in others they create and/or threaten one’s other-most-precious-beliefs etc, which are the opposites of the aforementioned set.

 

•31.

 

If in fact bodies and the physical world exist it may of course follow that one’s metal state is determined by physical and chemical factors.  That we then achieve peace or well-being through seemingly miraculous means should not come as such a surprise though.  To be animate is itself, in its way, already a miracle.

 

•32. Co-creation: God appears to be all that which is outside of one’s self, only because God is the Wholly Other, and is a mystery, with trust as maybe one of our primary modes of relation to that Wholly Other.  Yet, people still exist in their own capacities and personalities, as themselves; they are not all God looking out at you through six billion paired eyes with one identity which merely costumes as separate individuals.  For this author this facet and others mirroring it has led to many places.  But lately, (in other words very recently and very late), many of the branching paths have been shut off from any further exploration, (at least for now or in previous ways), by the assertion that other people are not in fact God’s identity within themselves masquerading as unique and limited individuals.  A conclusion then could be that we all have to be as careful and loving as possible in order to all get to heaven at once and together.

 

•33. Some say that one is different from and unique in comparison to most other people.  But then others say, and it seems good to agree and act on the agreement, that to think one is set apart and distinct from others and experiences what they do not is the height of arrogance, and with such arrogance one can only interact by methods of condescension.  It is f-ing too puzzling, frustrating, and wears one thin, specifically due to the possibility or experience of a relatively useful answer only being available by way of a source outside of oneself, which of course either flat-out cannot be trusted or is merely an outside source (another human…) who never fully knows or is able to express even a relatively full and clear explanation.

 

•34.

 

One eats locusts and such to be like the way-making prophet John.  Yet the fact that devouring the animate is woven into the mechanics of this world grinds against one.  A day is spent in horrifying ecstatic mourning for each insect thus eaten. ~

 

•35. When at times coincidence hints disastrously at solipsistic actuality to explain what one experiences if even half the weird shit one experiences can be believed to be even half true it is good to remember that other beings, (read- other bodies), exist independent of oneself and are and contain identities that are at least as independent as one sees oneself as being.  In this then it is good to tell oneself that other people suffer, so as not to act in ways that forget the possibility of harm and thus to tend to care.  It may not be true, (and if intention is judged this hardly matters yet more), but it hardly matters if it is true or not that they exist (x2); one gets to the point when beliefs are not as important as principles for behavior.  The fact that then one moves yet further out of and past the solipsistic stance to once again reorient in the light of truth statements or fact only goes to show.  It is not ‘fake it till you make it’, not exactly.  More like, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” – Matt 5:48 NIV  The very fact that this is impossible makes it the perfect catch-all.  Nietzsche even may have been willing to assent to such a command/statement’s ability to fling one past all half-efforts and mediocrity.

 

•36. The definition of Condescension mostly refers to the word Patronize, which when not referring right back to Condescension refers usefully to three things: N: Showing support.  M: Belittling.  L: Making assumptions.  It can be taken from this that to respect others one should believe that they are at least as strong and fully formed, aware, and conscious as oneself is, if not obviously more so.  This itself is an assumption, though probably a safer one, and rightly chosen in the face of the seeming necessity of having a practical handhold with which to begin social relations.  (Not that one should not somehow be ready to chuck it immediately, for one may meet many different kinds of people…)  The concept of autonomous equality and equal perceptive capabilities is much easier to slide and settle into if one has spent years already under the working assumption of the elevation and higher-standing of others in comparison to oneself.  Although, on the other hand, if one has spent years with absolutely no fucking clue what or who other beings are or even if they certainly exist or not -then pretty much any realignment and application of universal relational touch-points can be crushing.  The other and fourth clarifying association of use in understanding Condescension (that can be found in the dictionary) is the word Aloofness.  But in truth aloofness can in some cases be a quality due to feelings of inferiority and oppression just as much as from thinking too-well of oneself.  In all things, it appears, (speaking generally, etc.etc.), it is good to assume that others suffer, do not need your help, and if they would like to have a meeting with anyone at all it would be as one autonomous fully formed person to another.  ‘How is this possible?’ one could ask, if one were to; for there are those who never had in their lives people who knew themselves and took solitude as their rightful inheritance.  Certain theories of child rearing in the West in their application result in lifelong-children.  Certain parents create in the minds of their human offspring false ideas of what an ‘adult’ is.  There are no people who have answers. -(Supposition.)  Children must be raised, one would assume, with a balance (oh, that most abhorrent of words) of nurturing watchfulness and an absolute minimum of demeaning, degrading, and humiliating denouncement.  Of course this runs the risk of creating an identity that actually believes it has the right or true moral ability to stand before God.  And of course all of this facet is self-defense, more-so than even the rest of them.  The freestanding human would merely stand and observe, and in all these matters know the truth through self provision…  Assuredly humans of other cultures are more human (~) than privileged civilized westerners of certain types.

•37. Two quotes:

1)          ‘Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’
you don’t really know about nothin’ nothin’
tell me what you know about them night terrors every night
5 am, cold sweats wakin’ up to the skies
tell me what you know about dreams, dreams
tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin’
you don’t really care about the trials of tomorrow
rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow’

 

2) ‘Check it out man
You do what you do
I’m gonna do what im gonna do’

 

•38. ‘Privilege’ is a word obscured by itself.  For instance, many privileged people are stupid.  They do not know suffering and thus they are not wise.  (Yes, ‘Seek and you will find’.  But also, others would maybe add, ‘Suffer and you will find’.)  So what is better, to be wise or to be foolish?  And what is truer wealth, spiritual or material?  Obviously this is over-simplified.  When the wise rise up, in their wisdom and rancor, and fuckin slit some throats, then maybe the rich will get it.  And blessings be on those who offer their throats to the knife in the knowledge of their material greed and unwillingness to recognize what it is to be a human.

 

•39.

 

 

•40. Two conversations:

1) ‘Yeah, pretty sure it’s just three things.  Violence, domination, and greed.’

‘Okay, I hear you.  I hear you.  But listen.  You have to do the opposite of whatever point you’re at now.  The opposite, okay?  So greed, right?  You need to look for charity.  Violence, you need to become peace.  You need to seek peace.  That’s what’s good for you now.  And, there were three right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What was the other one?’

‘Fuckin domination.’

‘Alright.  You need to become submission.  Listen to me.  You have to find these things and make them your world, make them real, just as real, more real, than the domination and all that.  Peace and submission and charity, okay?’

‘I hear you.  I’ll think on it.’

 

2) ‘You said you didn’t used to.’

‘Yeah.  I wasn’t ready.  And I didn’t know what it was.  So since I didn’t know what it meant I didn’t claim it.’

‘But you claim it now?’

‘I feel I can confidently call myself a man now.  I know what it means to be a man.’

‘What?’

‘I am a man because I know what it is to be crushed.  Decimation.  Fuckin destitution.  That is why I am a man.  I know that now.’

 

•41. To quote again from Matthew 7:  ‘Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.’  NKJV  I quote this specifically because in a lot of ways it is good to hate the rich, at least it seems; and certainly it is a fulfilling hate.  And cops, I mean sh-t! how can you not recoil at the touch of a human who so blatantly uses fear on those in such a comparably powerless position.  It is f-in sad; this world is hard.  But normal narrative asks blessings on one’s enemies, and this is probably really good- to do -and will lead one to heights of revolutionary ardor and revitalization untouchable.  How does the story go again, after all?  For those of you who haven’t read Clive Barker’s prequel to the Abarat series: ‘The general has only eighty men, and the enemy five thousand. In his tent the general curses and weeps. Then he writes an inspired proclamation and homing pigeons shower copies over the enemy camp. Two hundred desert on foot to the general. There follows a skirmish which the general wins easily, and two regiments come over to his side. Three days later, the enemy has only eighty men and the general five thousand. The general writes another proclamation and seventy-nine more men join up with him. Only one enemy is left, surrounded by the army of the general, who waits in silence. The night passes and the enemy has not come over to his side. The general curses and weeps in his tent. At dawn the enemy slowly unsheathes his sword and advances on the general’s tent. He goes in and looks at him. The army of the general disbands. The sun rises.’

 

•42.

 

A breakdown of salvation by grace to follow shortly, but first—ten facets on the fear of Hel.  To get started: a brief description.  ‘In Norse mythology, Hel is a being who presides over a realm of the same name, where she receives a portion of the dead.  In the Poetic Edda, Prose Edda, and Heimskringla, Hel is referred to as a daughter of Loki, and to “go to Hel” is to die. Hel is described as having been appointed by the god Odin to rule over her realm.  Her appearance is described as half char and decay and half flesh, and as further having a gloomy, down-cast appearance.’  Notwithstanding lakes of fire, she is one scary bitch.  Artist’s depiction of Hel. à

 

•43.

 

Life is suffering, (even and especially the Buddhists know this), so why is it so hard to imagine that the next world, after the gateway of death, will be one of suffering as well?  All religions point to ways through, or point at reactions to, suffering.  To be human is to suffer; which may well continue if we retain any of what we are in the worlds to come.

•44. It has been said that Christians would rather have Hel exist than not, and it has been said also that they (and all people) choose their reality’s construction and bounds, each of them, and each creates a universe around their decisions for themselves to live in.  This is based on two premises, namely that K: Reality external to one’s self is not as it may appear to some who, for instance, see other individualities as existing in equal type and measure to one’s own autonomy.  i.e. One is special.  To restate this argument in the inverse take its opposing assertion: The universe must be equally under and out of the control of all humans, equally and relatively, for one to be in a world in which, for instance, humans other than oneself are not actors or facets of oneself or God’s identity or aspects of an illusory dream.  If one can really ‘manifest’ their own universe then one has to accept that those who surround one do not share this ability, otherwise one would be forced to, against one’s will or against and in the face of one’s supposed ability to ‘manifest’, live in a universe of other uncontrollable beings, hence, in an uncontrollable universe.  How then can one ‘manifest’?  J: All sentient beings (including animals of course, etc; basically- anything that perceives…(~)-possibly…) are in fact universes and thus we exist in a constantly shifting relation of parallel dimensions and interrelating and interacting universes.  In this, physical reality may exist but regardless… even if it does one lives shuttling up and down and in and out of interaction with aspects of different beings who exist on gradients of consciousness.  A person you know is only who they are as long as you remain within the universe you were in when you first met them.  Otherwise they become the being they must be inside of the universe you go to after becoming more than you were, or, after traveling to a dimension where aspects of that person have also risen to, leaving behind aspects of themselves, as you also did when you ascended or descended.  This leaves behind possibilities that you could have been.  These possible yous continue to exist in parallel dimensions and continue from other possible actions you might have chosen.  In this it follows that there are near infinite yous who exist along the near infinite paths of every possible possibility.  The same for every other perceptive capacity too.  Reality is what exists when more than one being interacts with each other, a vast multidimensional grid of possibility, within which you can only experience one possible reality at a time though all possibilities are happening anyway, simultaneously, in infinite or near infinite alternate dimensions.

 

•45.

 

The quantity of ‘spiritual’ ex-periences had by people throughout history that attest to a hellish afterlife can only be discounted sensibly by one who also discounts literally everything in history and all that is experienced by human beings, which of course is an  understandable position to take…

 

•46.             ‘In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence,
And His children will have a place of refuge.
The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life,
To turn one away from the snares of death.’

                          -Proverbs 14:26,27 NKJV

•47. It may be that those who fear Hel fear it because they have a reason to fear it and that those who do not fear it do not because they naturally have no reason to.  i.e. If you’re not afraid of Hel that’s because you are not in danger of going there.  By this it may be possible to discover whether someone is a good person or not by merely finding out whether or not they fear Hel.  It would turn out that if the person did fear Hel you could be sure that they are immoral, and if they don’t fear Hel you can be sure they are upright and just, and that they can be trusted.  Of course this is not the case at all times.  There are many many morally sound atheists in the world, (as long as one is judging moral soundness in the context of a purely human community).  And many people who coerce and torture, those in law enforcement and the military for instance, do believe in Hel and fear it.  With this said though, it is easier to imagine that instead of the fear of Hel being a product of immorality, immorality is actually a product, in part, of a lack of belief in Hel, (read: a lack of belief in judgment).  Necessity, good intentions, and a thoughtless belief in one’s own righteousness are quite sufficient explanations for the overwhelming complexity of morality for some.  Just observe police, soldiers, judges, CEOs, prison guards, politicians, landlords, etc. etc.  One need not look far.  They’re everywhere.

 

•48. It could be that Hel is the same for all of those who end up there, excepting for what is unique in the identities of the ones suffering it.  And therefore because identities are different for different people Hel is thus different for different people.  Perhaps the same molten fire of the same heat hurts for some less and for others more only because of their psychological/spiritual reaction to it.  So therefore we would be discussing an internal Hel.  Thus it is said: ‘My Hel comes from inside of me.’  Truly though, as some students of theology will tell you, the main difference between those merely roasting and those roasting while panicking as well is the belief that there is one who can and will come and relieve them of their torment.  One who can save them.  Without this belief once a person dies, if Hel is real, they simply find themselves in a horrible –a much more horrible- place, with really no way of imagining how to get out.

 

•49. It’s not like we’re not trapped already…

 

•50. Fear of Hel can act as a sort of Siren song, driving one insane and inspiring one to dive overboard into a swirling spiral of madness and death.  Something the author heard about Zack de la Rocha’s birth father comes to mind—boarding up of windows and doors, refusing to leave the house, obsessively pouring over scripture and caring nothing for how or why he could or should love those around him.  But in the inverse it is obvious that the desire to make it back to shore and home, that such pull, such reasonable hope and reasonable destination, is itself a Siren song.  What pull towards what destination in and of this world is not a Siren song?  What plan is not a matter of irrational compulsion in a world so completely unexplained?  What motivation is truer than any other for a people so unwilling to examine themselves with rigorous scrutiny?

 

•51. Regardless of whether one believes Christianity is true one can and sometimes does fear that it is true.  To a secular person fear is a sign that considering Christianity is a waste of time, for it only weakens one and leads to self-hate and a pathetic character.  Of course, when one decides instead to heavily consider one’s fear and the object of one’s fear one learns more about it.  With full understanding fear disappears, so would say the optimists.  And admittedly so would say most Christians.  Talk with one, even a Jesus freak, about fearing God and they will often say things like: ‘It’s just knowing how much more powerful He is than us.’

•52. It really doesn’t matter very much what one does with ones time or life, with notable possible exceptions like hurting or not hurting others, and it doesn’t really matter very much whether one gets what one desires or not.  If this is the only life we get then it very well may matter more, but even then – fucking who cares?  In such a fallen world, blah blah blah.  Everyone is an asshole, blah blah blah.  Wake up in the morning and do this again, blah blah blah.  I fuckin hate myself, blah blah blah, my life sucks and etc. etc.  But very seriously: there is only so much that the world can be, because even if the possibilities for its meaning are endless the past is immutable and the form of our existence remains what it is.  The fact that there is something or some form that probably won’t change means that possibility is finite.  And if it is finite then the mere knowledge of its limits is the most securing knowledge one could have (~).  Why defend yourself against a society critical of you when their condemnation has no power to warp the fabric of reality?  Why chase after a hunger when its satiation will only be one more thing that has happened?  What exactly were we doing again, anyway?  …

 

•53. Brokenness is a wonderful and beautiful thing.  If this really is one’s one and only lifetime and for it one has been put into a world of this sort and type then brokenness is the highest form of rebellion there could be.  To mourn this life is utter rejection of the mediocrity and half-measures and oppression and compromise and callousness necessary to live in it like a normal citizen.  To be crushed with disappointment and furious with hatred and resentment is to be more than this world, is to know you are more than this world.  It is the disgusting mutation of rancor that will crack one’s flesh for wings to feather out and enable one at last to fly.

 

•54.

 

Be alone.  Be very alone.  ‘What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude.’

 

•55. Fuckin do something.  It is usually really easy to figure out what one can do.  Just start big and then begin compartmentalization.  ‘I can move objects.  I can alter the colors of objects.  I can move my body.  I can alter the composition of my body.  I can utilize one or more of my five or more senses.  I can sleep and dream.  I can make noises.  Etc.’  For instance, the project of this, GFW #6, is the manipulation of complex objects mostly consisting of metals, plastics, and electric energy (computer and printer) and the coloring and manipulation of other objects (paper, staples, liquid ink).  Then the completed formed objects are taken and put in different places (on tables, in people’s hands).  Really simple.  Much help that one can provide to another or to anyone is actually just bringing objects to or taking objects away from certain places.  And bodies are objects too.  Distributing pamphlets is helpful if the pamphlets are enriching or good or helpful in some way, just like distributing food would be, or chairs.

•56.

 

•57. A gestalt, or a complete aesthetic vision, usually comes in only the form of a unified cohesive totality.  To the degree that the totality mirrors and is used to identify oneself does the act of integrating actually new knowledge become a violent process.  Of course it may be that it is those who do not identify with their perceived totality who can take in new information without having to destroy their identity to usher in their new totality and self.  This doesn’t mean that their position of dispassionate distance and refusal to characterize their self is not a totality in itself.  It is just as much so, and can be threatened and overcome just like any other finite sight.

 

•58. Note on text:  [First: It is this idea of a fully realized aesthetic coordination of a many faceted singularity that was the impetus to begin issue #6.  This author originally heard, if they recall correctly, the analogy of a single diamond cut into a many faceted jewel that yet still remained hewn of a single stone in one of Ayn Rand’s two monstrous works: The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.  To the degree, then, that the collection of numbered facets in this publication suggest two or more totalities and not a singular totality will it be shown how this author has strayed from their original purpose.  Although: Regardless of how possible or true multidimensionality is one still can simultaneously hold multiple conceptual paradigms in mind while living and perceiving, or at least switch back and forth rapidly among them.  (It may actually be literally impossible for the sober mind to think two thoughts at once that the mind’s identity is aware of, and therefore it is as if only one ‘world’ can be perceived at a time.  Though they can be and are rapidly traded around within one…)  People call Rand a fool.  That she believed rational means capable of fully grasping human interaction and life, and that she believed she had in fact done this—these are the reasons people mock her.  Many do believe that paradox is a way of more closely perceiving truth then deductive logic, etc.  Of course, this author must be careful to not repeat her mistake.  Therefore, Second: I cannot stress too strongly – I have no fucking clue what’s going on.  The author merely points out the infinite refracting waves of thought, the transparent and reflective glass hanging in front of all of our faces, and the hammer of doubt.  This hammer is capable of destroying anything, breaking any plane, even the most foundational, such as ‘it is good and right for humans to exist’ or ‘life is good’ or ‘God must be elsewhere’.  The hammer is even capable of destroying itself.  In other words, it is capable of building, of building faith.]

 

•59. ‘The scientific method starts from the necessity of imposing mathematical, instrumental rationality on the universe.  A conscious rebellion of those who will not be measured could open a world of possibilities.’       -Landstreicher

•60. It is said that the arch nemesis of idealism is experience.  It may be more correct to say that idealism’s arch nemesis is not experience but suffering.  Experience only stands in as the true foe because it is through experience that one finds that suffering is real and that ideals often fall far short of assuaging it.

 

•61. Why not think of, and seek understanding of, and consider that which it will torment you to consider?  If one is trying to find and understand the truth then one may well need to consider horrible things, for the truth may be horrible.  One person in one season may say that there is no need to be scared of the truth and in another season, or in the same season in a different year, that person may say that the truth is in fact frightening.  Or they may say the truth is not horrible and then later say that it is.  Many people will say many different things, and if you wait long enough they will contradict themselves without you having to butt in at all.  It must be said too that seeking to not contradict oneself in one’s speech for the purpose of appearing to be a unified personality and actually being a unified personality are two different things.  And actually being a unified personality might not even be a good thing, much less appearing as one.  At times, of course, the only way to expediently communicate is through wearing one guise or another.  It is also the dress code for almost every social occasion.

 

•62. ‘I don’t want to talk about it cause I hate it and if I talk about it I have to think about it and I don’t want to do that cause I hate it.’

– excerpt from a brief conversation about Natalie Merchant.

 

•63.

The cloud of my mouth is finding you out;

So what will happen about our land and sea?

What will we do when we don’t want to look?

I will not define you.  I don’t want any of this.

The good is steam in the big house

Of the spirits and the ghouls.                        Snap.

One two       one two       one two       one two

Phosphorescent terror again will comb out

Our stench.  But I’ll say it right now:

I’ll never go back there again;

I won’t go to that sacred place with you.

The billowing is so thick and fast it scalds;

It is righteously forgettable and dangerous.

 

•64. If you socialize for the purpose of seeking the truth with others you need to be careful who you listen to, or careful how you listen.  And remember, if you find it hard to really listen to people it may be because your tongue’s stuck in your ear.

 

•65. It kinda looks like this:                      A good reaction kinda looks like this:

•66. A copy of Arcade Fire’s third studio album that skips on the twelfth track titled ‘Deep Blue’ at around 2:08, repeating endlessly lines from the forth stanza, specifically lines 18 and 19, over and over again unless manually stopped.  The album also contains the line ‘But you started a war that we can’t win’ on the ninth track, which is titled ‘Suburban War’.

 

•67. If the world is real and sober narrative is correct and other person’s identities actually exist in ways suggested by history and normal consideration then they might be coming for us, today or one of these days.  Mantras for the sake of readiness forthcoming, and located in the 120’s, but first, facet 68: an outline of salvation by grace.

 

•68.

Should Believers Fear Going to Hel?

‘What motivates you to live a godly life? Some church people today are motivated out of fear that they might not really be saved. Others are motivated out of fear that they might lose their salvation. Although one is Arminian and one Reformed in their theological perspectives, both are motivated to obey God out of fear of hell.

 

The Scriptures do not support either of these views. When we place our faith in Christ He forgives all of our sins-past, present, and future (Col. 2:13; Heb. 10:1-18).  The Holy Spirit seals us forever (Eph. 13-14). Jesus guarantees that He will not lose even one believer (John 5:24; 6:39; 10:27-29; 17:2). Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ (Rom. 8:38-39).

 

In addition, assurance of salvation is the birthright of every believer (John 3:16; 4:14; 5:24; 11:25-27; Rom.8:38-39; 1 John 5:13). The newest babe in Christ can and should know with certainty that he is eternally secure.

 

Fear of hell is a good motivation to trust in Christ. However, once we trust in Him, we know that we will never perish (John 3:16) and that we never need fear hell again. To continue to fear hell is to doubt that Jesus has forgiven us.

 

What motivates us, then, if we are not motivated by fear of hell?

 

First, we love the Lord and are grateful for what He has done for us (2 Cor. 5:14). He who is forgiven much loves much (Luke 7:47).

 

Second, the Lord blesses obedient believers with joy, peace, and contentment (Gal. 5:22-23). Obedience pays. While there is no certainty of material and physical prosperity, there is the promise of inner prosperity for obedience.

 

Third, since God loves us, He disciplines us when we disobey Him (1 Cor. 11:30; Heb. 12:3-11; James 5:19-20). Of course, not all difficulties in our lives are due to sins we commit (Job; John 9:2-3; James 1:2ff). Yet some are. SIN NEVER PAYS. Never. The passing pleasures of sin are far outweighed by its deadly consequences.

 

Fourth and finally, the Lord Jesus some day is going to evaluate our lives. This will take place at the Judgment Seat of Christ (2 Cor. 5:10). If He finds that we have lived faithful lives, He will praise us and grant us treasure, a special abundance of joy, and a position of rulership in His kingdom (Matt. 6:19-21; Luke 19:11-19; 1 Cor. 9:24-27). But, if He finds that we have lived unfaithful lives, He will withhold treasure, a special abundance of joy, and the privilege of ruling in His kingdom (Luke 19:20-26; 2 Tim. 2:12; l John 2:28). Salvation is a free gift; rewards are not.

 

Those are four powerful reasons to obey God. Assurance of salvation doesn’t promote sin. An earthly parent can motivate his or her children to obey without threatening them with hell. So can our Heavenly Father.’

– Wilkin

•69.

 

The best thing about satyrs is that they can never speak the same sound twice.  It is thus hard to understand them, but always beautiful to listen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

•70.

‘A hungry feeling                                          Oh! the wind was sighing
Came o’er me stealing                                   And the day was dying
And the mice were squealing                          As the lag lay crying
In my prison cell                                          In his prison cell
And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle            And that auld triangle went jingle-bloody-jangle
All along the banks of the royal canal                All along the banks of the royal canal

Oh! to start the morning                               In the women’s prison
The warden bawling                                     There are seventy women
‘get up out of bed, you! and clean out your cell!’ And I wish it was with them that I did dwell
And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle            Then that auld triangle could go jingle-jangle
All along the banks of the royal canal                All along the banks of the royal canal’

 

•71. Slowly learning the truth of nightmares.  It goes like this: What are they?  Nihilism.  No; what are they?  Damnation.  No; what are they?  Force of light petal-shot, pinch-flesh, myriad-color bending truth to solidified rain, lick-love.  No; what are they?  And then tomorrow.  Of course yes.  Marrow touch synchronized.  It’s not a flower.  Wrong.  I love you.  Wrong: volcano.

 

•72. The first and foremost task of everyday: ‘Try not to die.’

 

•73. The fact of resurrection and immortality: ‘Everything was for nothing.  We can’t die.  When we were hunted: we couldn’t die.  When we were wounded: we couldn’t die.  And when we broke the fucking world we couldn’t die.  We didn’t have to do it, because no-one could hurt us.  Nothing we did meant anything, and we fucked up Britain, if not the entire planet, for nothing.’

 

•74. ‘If my mom really did send me magic oatmeal with a miraculously perfect nutritional content tailored just for me then he’s an alien or angel or something and so he can metabolize the magical nutritional additives anyway.  I might as well make him some.’

-on spiritual gifts externally provided

 

•75. ‘Credo in unum Deum, Patrem omnipotentem, factorem caeli et terrae, visibilium omnium et invisibilium.  Et in unum Dominum Iesum Christum, Filium Dei unigenitum, et ex Patre natum ante omnia saecula. Deum de Deo, lumen de lumine, Deum verum de Deo vero, genitum, non factum, consubstantialem Patri, per quem omnia facta sunt. Qui propter nos homines et propter nostram salutem descendit de caelis. Et incarnatus est de Spiritu Sancto ex Maria Virgine, et homo factus est. Crucifixus etiam pro nobis sub Pontio Pilato; passus et sepultus est, et resurrexit tertia die secundum Scripturas, et ascendit in caelum, sedet ad dexteram Patris. Et iterum venturus est cum gloria iudicare vivos et mortuos, cuius regni non erit finis.  Et in Spiritum Sanctum, Dominum et vivificantem: qui ex Patre Filioque procedit. Qui cum Patre et Filio simul adoratur et conglorificatur: qui locutus est per prophetas.  Et unam, sanctam, catholicam et apostolicam Ecclesiam.  Confiteor unum baptisma in remissionem peccatorum.Et expecto resurrectionem mortuorum et vitam venturi saeculi. Amen.’

-on spiritual knowledge and physical location

 

•76. ‘Her feet were cloven, her hair was woven, her thirsts were broken, her eye it opened.  And as she crouched and watched me there the fire lit her face and hair.  And the light that shot round her brain came in through eyes that held no pain.  And her feet would walk the miles of night with only teeth and heart for light.  And her want was like a shadow-fall that pooled within her form alone.’

-on spiritual living in human life

•77. So yeah, not that it matters much if we die…  Beautiful are those who decide to live, in ferocity and ardor, and notwithstanding the repetition inherent in the making of such a choice, they forget that death is real and that they have chosen at all.  The well-formed gestalt does not concentrate on its own ignorance; it only knows that which is.  This is a cause for jealousy.  It is a cause for celebration too.  In summation one does more than speak.

 

•78.

 

‘But you told them how it was, that’s right You told them why it’s laughable And then the three of you let out A list of breath staggering through cold’

‘Even if I, when I was my Grandmother, shot myself in the head in another world it was still a world where Jesus is the truth.  Unless he is part of this whole lie.  This I doubt.  Most likely he is the Lord of all universes.’

 

 

 

 

 

‘You know when you have damned yourself But hopes of love along the way Make us think hand in hand of what The gypsy once foretold for us’

‘Laying, letting myself feel and think.  Anti-Christ thoughts come.  Sucks.  Hate it.  Hear screaming.  Shit that is fucked up.  …But that morning…the vision of someone shaking out a towel of crystal dew on me…and the breeze…’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

•79.                                           ‘Waiting now in the Sunday garden:

remembering those triphammer beats in the nerve and blood,

those hammer-pulses, bloodbeatings, jolt-quick starts

and stops and tremblings –

 

those days are over;

 

the rich blood-pattern Paisleys of the heart and look;

that green darkness aflare;

 

none of that now;

shell faces in the dark; the ruby smiles;

 

none of that now.’

– Gail Dusenbery

 

•80. Wait.

 

•81. It is maybe possible that we are our parent’s parents, who died by their own hand, by blade or gun or smoke.  In that our parents gave life to us they let their parents live again, to try once more, and we should therefore have the patience of mountains that we may be saved by the Lord in time, that we should last, outlast, all this, and not put the poison beneath our tongue.  A son gets to be a father to his own mother so that he can show her that he loves her even though she took leave of him far too early from an overwhelming misery, and while living she never could show him love, for to get through that misery would be to speak from it.  To tell your only son that you love him in spite of the pure and altogether not-sufficiently various horror of this world…that is not to tell him you love him.  To tell him you love him is to greet the inner back of your head with a revolver’s bullet, showing him that he need not stand for this mess.  One knows love because, then, your father is your son and as he delights in you and upbraids you and travels through your youth with you he is forgiving you and has forgiven you, and every time he holds you you know, as a child and remembering it as an adult, that he has willed that he would raise the one who was supposed to raise him.  He has been shown the way, for his father, your husband and beloved, knew the height of truth.  And so God holds us in the arms of our son.

•82. It is maybe possible that all of humanity must pay and is willing to pay for the sins and crimes and indiscretions one commits.  They descend into Hel below the earth and other servants of good and God nail them up on crosses of wood, that they may hang there in the fire until dying.  Some of these, and they are immortal, hang and have hung for so long so many times that their arms are many yards long, and indeed in the heavenly kingdom the highest physical mark of honor is arms enormously long, strong, prehensile.  Many do not need to be nailed.  The elders and their many many righteous sons hold pegs driven into cave walls of hardened sand in the eastern deserts, and they hang there in the agony of their bodies to pay for one’s stubborn blasphemies.  When these immortals of God’s kingdom die they are resurrected.  It is their holy task to descend for one.  And then, if one does well and sacrifices oneself enough and fully, when one dies one is resurrected and taken into their ranks, welcomed as a joyous homecoming and one is able then, and does, commit to the task of the immortals: to die for the life of those undergoing the test to become one of the holy flock of God, the immortal family, those who give their lives and those who take them up again.  The Lord is king of these.  Regardless, you will meet him one day.  If one fails the immortals are only too happy to eat one’s flesh.  Hel is the myriad parts of one’s body burning in endlessly uncountable stomachs of the near endless multitude of immortals after being carved, healed and re-growing one’s flesh, and then carved again, to feed the immortals – for one must indeed pay a cost if one fails enough or in a certain way; one pays the cost one day anyway, in one form or another, so why not stretch out one’s arms – in a public place, in one’s room alone, on the train into the city, and scream in the pain of muscles breaking upon themselves in the effort to be true, to atone, to deny oneself and so live forever.  It matters not who sees.  They are all the immortals anyway, each and every ‘other’.  They have taken on shape and character to shepherd one to the truth, to teach one the upright goal of whole and entire sacrifice.  And in time one will know.  Trust them.  Trust them and die in the pain.  Starve oneself, lose oneself in the fluid misery and laughter of eternity, the dissolving of need and sense and false, deceptive hope.  They watch.  You are the only person born since your birth, and only one undergoes the testing-life at a time, only one enters the kingdom at a time, is welcomed into the family at a time.  And then, once you take your gift of true life, your birthright and the honor of a spirit given by God with will to suffer any hardship one would need, then one helps the brethren shepherd and atone for the next child to be born, in the hope always that a new sibling will greet one on the joining day, in truth at last, the hidden puzzles finally shown, to celebrate for eternity with all who are.

 

•83.

 

•84.

 

And it could be that not all of the immortals are good.  Only those who profess the Lord then… only these can be trusted.  There indeed are two sides, and there are forces arrayed against one.  Those that are evil wish one only to deny the Lord, for it is holding to faith that provides one with the strength one will one day need to make the true and righteous sacrifice.  Or those that work against the immortals of God do so be-cause they are sick to fucking death of dying for one and one’s idiocy and disgusting irreverence.  In fact, the news of world revolutions and seditious action against one’s country is merely news of the war on the true army of God, and it is one’s nation that serves, that takes up the cross as God and duty command.  The immortals that wish not to suffer further join against one, against God, and against one’s nation.  They war to possess the future; for earth is heaven.

 

•85. ‘The Game begins once the player sees the end of the game is scarcity, poverty, depression and the fascist control of the few over the rights of the many. The Game starts when there is a realization that the biggest lie and the biggest theft was the willing enslavement of each individual to a corruption beyond the scope of comprehension, the discovery that the power that is held by the elitist is based on the giving up of each individual’s sacred labors and the fruits thereof.

 

When the evils of the fiat money system are discovered, understood or felt there is a realization that money does not come from a building, a government, or from a so-called powerful or rich person but it comes from the value of each individual’s labor, and the moment there is an agreement that abundance is the natural and sovereign right of everyone on the planet to have what is created by their effort, and to be free of enslavement by those who would use their will over another. The idea of freedom and prosperity comes into the minds of those that feel and wish for power to create their own destiny. When this happens the Game begins between the Sovereign Individual versus the Black Alliance.

 

To start the Game—this is the hardest part as you are alone, broke, scared, defeated, depressed and worried about the future. The central banks, government, the legal system, the police, the taxing authorities, everything is conspired against you. You wake up one day and you begin to realize this and your first reaction is SHOCK. You can’t believe that the government, your church, your local Peace officer and all the corporations and even the teachers in the schools and everything on television has been orchestrated to keep you stupid, fearful and weak.

 

In this state of SHOCK you just sit and stare at the newspapers, the television, the Internet, and listen to others in disbelief. How could this have happened to the greatest country in the world? How could this have happened to every country in the world? What can I, one person, do about this? What is going to happen to my family? This can’t be true, but it is, and once you have broken through the shock phase you reach anger from the betrayal of those who have sent your fathers, brothers, sons, sisters, daughters and mothers to war to die in battle for the profit of the few.

 

You will feel rage for the companies that have polluted the landscapes for corporate profits for their investors and killed millions before their time with toxins and poisons. The anger will turn to vengeance and revenge against those who have lied, stolen and damaged everything you hold dear and valuable. In this rage you will begin to see that this Black Alliance stands behind almost every problem that has occurred and the unimaginable extent of their influences brings you to a fear and frustration that cannot be measured.

Once you have felt the rage, the hate, the obsession to find out the truth of this conspiracy to cause agony for profit and selfish purposes you cannot handle it seeing the wounds, the suffering and agony caused by these patrons of death and destruction for profit. You dissociate with reality and become a paranoid schizophrenic. It is here you appear crazy to your peers, where your paranoia takes on seemingly radical, irrational, bizarre, senseless beliefs, and those who used to find you agreeable and nice now find you a dangerous lunatic with perhaps even psychotic tendencies, and that is not all.

 

You begin to believe the half-baked conspiracy theories about the Illuminati, secret government organizations, and reading other crazy things written by equally crazy people about the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations, Oklahoma City, Iran Contra, WACO, Pearl Harbor, 911, Iraq, UFO’s, HAARP, chemtrails, Crop Circles, Area 51, astral planes, mediums, psychics, Atlantis, other dimensions filled with beings who participate in our reality. At this point you doubt your own sanity and wish you could go back to believing your elected officials, your military leaders, your teachers and/or your religious authorities, but you cannot, and you enter into the period of Galactic Paranoid Schizophrenia. At this point you are the most dangerous as you have gained enough information to be not only dangerous to others but to yourself as you are not capable of understanding the totality of what is occurring to your world.

 

You begin to drift further from reality, floating in a plasma of other souls trapped in the search for answers within a box with no exit. You now see aliens and hear voices and find it hard to believe in any messages you receive from your former reality. There is a gift in this place if you can be still, quiet and meditate to find that peace. But in most cases the pain of realizing that the world is being dominated by an alien race of cold blooded reptilians who have in their power the ability to destroy the planet in apocalyptic proportions, or to slowly poison it, eliminate 90% of the present population so they can safely enslave those who survive the planned pandemic holocaust or nuclear annihilation or weather catastrophe and/or some other planetary process of extermination of people who are unnecessary to the survival and profitability of the Black Alliance…

 

At this point you go into a Catatonic Universal Depression where the hopelessness, despair and feeling of the void begins to overtake you as you slip into unconsciousness and the suppression of all emotions. In this stasis of feeling the images that are broadcast through the media propaganda channels hit your unfeeling eyes and your stone heart with no effect. You are dead to the world, yourself and to the life itself, betrayed by those who you trusted, lied to by those you gave power to and conspired against in secret by those who said they would protect you from the evil they created to make you weak.

 

Now you are lost in the wilderness with no compass and no help with only the last few breaths of air within your shallow lungs that vibrate rapidly and inconsistently as this state of total denial of reality is your first choice and the path out of darkness is impossible. In total darkness the void covers you with its dull blackness and you prepare to be assimilated into nothingness where you reach the end. Your anger ends and slowly your courage returns. A spark of light, an idea comes into your head and you back away from the abyss and see that as long as you breathe and want something you can be a player. This is a game and you want to win. A question is the first thing that comes into your mind. What do I want? Then another. What do I have?

 

And then you have begun the game because you are thinking for yourself and seeing what you want and what you have. You have now become a player, you are now a TRADER. You are now free to find others to begin the game with. You cannot play alone, and you are not alone. In this game you are only in control of your wants and your needs, but you are in total control of what you have and what you want.

 

You begin to awake from the nightmare and see that the power brokers, the central bankers, the corporations and the governments are all part of the same world you are in and they rely on one thing. That one thing is the people of the world—what is called the constituency. This is where the power is and this is the public power which can bring about the revolution you believe is possible. You know the secret. You must work to bring together a conspiracy of participants who have been through the same realizations and understand the importance of creating a new world. So you must first start the Game by becoming a sovereign individual. And so, it Begins.’

 

•86. One is reminded of one’s failings and hideously cruel choices through over-hearing voices rooms and walls away denouncing one through secondary and tertiary word meanings in complex riddles as they speak supposedly of other things.  You meet the older brother of someone that you wronged almost a decade ago.  The brother’s body is twisted and broken and they shuffle around the house.  You know their hatred for you though they will never reveal it point blank.  In fact- none of the immortals of either side will ever admit to their real identities and purposes.  One asks a Christian pastor if they are an inhuman servant of God and the pastor smiles beatifically and charmed down their nose at you, assuring you it isn’t so.  The horror of the past when one acted without the knowledge that only immortals ever kept one company destroys you.  You begin to unravel and lose all trust in yourself and your ability to control your mind and even your body.  Only patience gets one through such a place.  Soon you reestablish doubt and reorient yourself to your ordinary narrative.  For the hours that one was lost in the tidal horror of the truth one only barely scraped by, and mostly by being very careful with one’s tongue.  At these times challenging the immortals to reveal themselves may actually bring it about and culminate in the ending of the charade and one’s life.  One becomes the most skilled of troubadours and the eye flits always – all objects scream only one truth: that this world is real and one is known, that one chokes on the fact that one is in their realm but one is a guest so had better strain desperately and crack pride’s back across the knee of respect.

 

•87. Touching objects while thinking certain things is a matter of unholy sin.  One could imbue the object, or carve furrows of blasphemy into one’s soul.  One drops things often, purposefully, and enjoys the fact that after years of this the appear-ance of sanity has come to mean nothing.  Hands are holy.  Every movement of the body must be honoring to God.

 

•88. One sees that the tradition in Jewish law of touching doorframes adorned with the Torah scroll and such is actually a form of OCD, a spiritual compulsion done to make it through the heaviness and harsh blatancy of this world.  One knows that one kneels, clasps and wrings out hands, turns in circles, bows the head, and bends the wrists and holds out hands in praise and offering because one is mad, and mad for the truth and for holiness; that one is a slave to righteous-ness.  This, though, is acceptable.  In fact, preferred.  If one does not do such things then only stillness could ever be a replacement for these devotions.  Absolute, static and statuesque stillness.  It is beautiful and wastes sooo much time.  But this is one’s life.  What could be more important?

 

•89. ‘I am a man. And I am self-aware. And everywhere I go you’re always right there with me. I flirted with you all my life. I even kissed you once or twice. And to this day I swear it was nice, but really, I was not ready. And when you touched a friend of mine I thought I would lose my mind. But I found out with time that clearly, I was not ready. No no. Oh, Death. Really, I’m not ready. Oh Death, you hector me, you decimate those dear to me. You tease me with your sweet relief you’re cruel and you are constant. And when my mom was cancer sick she fought, but then succumbed to it. But you, you made her beg for it. Lord Jesus, please I’m ready. Oh Death. Really, I’m not ready. Oh Death, really I’m not ready. I flirted with you all my life. I even kissed you once or twice. And to this day I swear it was nice, but really, I’m not ready.’

 

•90.       Bar named: Low Class High Spirits

Bumper sticker reading: Will Suck Cock For Truth

•91. The idea that it is impossible to live as a human, even as a human who professes faith in Christ Jesus, while never sinning, (for instance- from the point of the gift of faith onward until death), is bolstered by the verse of Matthew 10:24 and the first part of 10:25: ‘A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master.’ NKJV  As well as that good ole’ saying: ‘Next time you think you’re perfect try walking on water.’  Heh.  Regardless, whether it is possible to live entirely sinless is a matter it is difficult to be sure about.

 

•92. Due to what seems to be possibly (hopefully) an approaching civil war this author thought it appropriate to publish the upcoming GFW #7 in two colors: red and blue, or three: red and blue and black.  Coming across Proverbs 6:16-19 they have reconsidered this.  Here is the passage from scripture, KJV: ‘These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.’  One wants this shit to fall, to end, for fucking sure, but really…f-ck!

 

•93. ‘Existential despair arises from the abandonment of the hope of a unified answer for knowledge and life.’

–from Schaeffer’s Escape From Reason

 

•94.

 

•95.

 

•96. It is possible to divide identity, for the purposes of understanding and inquiry, into five categories.  Every part of a person’s self can be put into one of the five following subdivisions:

1. Ignorance  2. Self-deception  3. Knowledge  4. Integrated knowledge  5. Love

 

•97. It can be said that things are very simple.  Humans are bodies.  Each human body is human.  Therefore all human identities are the same; each identity is the identity of ‘Human’.  In this aspect identity can be spoken of as not really being real, not existing at all.  Humans are just their bodies.  There is no identity then, and that is the commonality.  (It may follow then for some that where there is identity there is damage, i.e. identity is damage.)  So then a fuller perception of the truth actually brings a simpler outlook.  But if Hel is real, then, who is it that is burning?  Who are they?  The Lord is quoted as saying ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’  -Second half of John 10:10, NIV.  He is not quoted there as saying that he came to bring happiness, and happiness to the full.  Is pain truth then?  Is life pain?  Is pain good to feel?  Thus do kick-ass crusty kids everywhere and anywhere wear patches that read ‘Feel Feel Feel’.  Thus do those who claim strait edge say that getting fucked up is dumbing down one’s sense of how fucked up this world is, this civilization, this country.  Thus is it said too that ‘A child is nothing without hate.  Be certain he feels his love is trash.  A child is no one without pain.  Push me mommy, eyes ablaze into Hell.’

 

•98.

 

 

•99. The author once experienced a man who appeared to have Tourette’s syndrome or something akin say ‘Grab your mother’s face and smash it into the wall.’

 

•100. If one faced what they really are what would they then do?  Kill themselves?  Recoil in horror and never look again?  Lie immediately to themselves and say that the only way out of darkness is lies so one might as well act happy – even for just one’s own benefit?  Forgive oneself?  Accept and remain totally still that they may witness the truth within the sublingual narrative?  Hate everyone else for being such phonies?  Decide to heal themselves first before trying to help anyone else and begin exhaustive research?  Have a drink?  Get fucked up?  Repeatedly hit themselves in the face?  Go out and kill the first corporate CEO they find?  Begin stockpiling ammunition?  Wander off into the woods?  Become silent and paranoid and freak out all their friends?  Beg God to save them from themselves?  Continue to hide from God?  Distract themselves?  Convince themselves they’re okay and don’t need to face it?  Keep running?  Know that God knows them completely, yet not act on the impulse to immediately change themselves, and let the impulse just pass by under the present unrolling over one?  Be still and know?

•101.

 

 

•102.

 

Dead Europe has violins.  Dead Europe has kitchens and hands.  Dead Europe has snows that are coming.  Dead Europe has marching and drumming. Dead Europe has lasting concoctions.  Parceled and fixed and split into factions.  Ice and cold breath and absence of traction.  Dead Europe has nightmares, dead Europe has passion.  —

 

•103. Fifteen facets on anarchist theory next, but first, three notes from 9/30/08:

 

1)

Thief

come save me

from this blanket horror

of sad failure.

Murderer

come save me

from the morals

of my failure.

Wind

come give me

a new world

where I play games with my family

and split possibilities apart

with explosions of light.

Where I am strong

and teach myself what I must know.

Cold

make me free

and hunger make me sanctified

to a bitter end.

 

2)

Weakly hating, what will I have?

Absence, lack, and a thin calamity.

How do I get past something bad?

His life meant nothing to him; he ended it.

I can’t give this to you.  It is nothing.

What am I going to do?  Affix my trajectory.

It is getting bad.  It is already bad.

It will stay bad until I leave.

 

But I will write my world into a heart

that beats in the cold air, suspended, apart.

All the joys that I can count I will count

and I will know just what to hand you.

I will go once I have demanded

my world suspended, with hatred surrounding;

it is right to say, it is right to do,

knowing weakly the thin and weak,

building something strong and sure and sweet.

I will have it to give to myself

No one else No one else

Alone, I pass over a moor to mark my height.

 

3)

Is there a place for us?

Is there a sickening thirst?

Is there a sacred work?  There is.  There is.

Is there a hateful glance?

Is there a second chance, a third chance?

Is there a building, making dance?

There is.  There is.

 

•104. ‘Though revolutionary struggle may, indeed, have the “therapeutic” effect of breaking down social constraints and thus opening the mind to new ways of thinking and feeling that make one more intelligent and passionate, this is precisely because it is not therapy, which focuses on one’s weakness, but a self-determined project of revolt springing from one’s strength.

Freedom belongs to the individual — this is a basic anarchist principle — and as such resides in individual responsibility to oneself and in free association with others. Thus, there can be no obligations, no debts, only choices of how to act. The therapeutic approach to social problems is the very opposite of this.. Basing itself in the idea that we are crippled rather than chained, inherently weak rather than held down, it imposes an obligatory interdependence, a mutuality of incapacity, rather than a sharing of strengths and capabilities. In this, it parallels the official way of dealing with these problems. And no wonder. It is the nature of weakness to submit. If we all assume our own weakness, our perpetual internal infection by these various social diseases, then we will continue to nurture a submissive way of interacting with the world, ever ready to admit guilt, to apologize, to back down from what we’ve said or done. This is the very opposite of responsibility, which acts consciously with the assurance of one’s projectual approach to life, ready to take the consequences of one’s choices — the outlaw worthy of her transgressions.

In the face of ten thousand years of institutional oppression, ten thousand years in which a ruling class and the structures that support its power have determined the conditions of our existence, what we need is not therapy, but strong-willed revolt aimed at developing a revolutionary project that can destroy this society and its institutions.’

•105. As this author has written of elsewhere, specifically GFW#0, it is possible to see Jesus in the light of his full self-possession and his use of that self-possession to never ever dominate another person.  In other words, his ability and unwavering commit-ment to love us.  One can go down three paths from such a statement.  I: The church, as it stands in modern America, has utterly dropped the ball.  We preach funding of war, justifications for greed, ridiculous lack of compassionate capacity, and use manip-ulation and spiritually domineering tactics in social life.  Do we even know who we’re worshiping, or why we worship him?  H: The only persons Jesus ever used physical force on were the money changers in the temple.  Period.  What more need be said?  The kingdom is within and our bodies are temples, sold every day for greed and profit, our very lives, even the soil of the garden itself…  If that is not a sign that capitalistic greed has got to go, by one means or another (~), I don’t know what is.  G: There has never lived a person who more embodied anarchist-theory.  God lets us live and does so without invading our selves, and proves his love for us, who are ‘others’ to him, in that he lets us always remain others.  He respects freedom more than any being, and he proves it in that he has complete and total power yet withholds from forcing our wills to conform.  That, rejection of domination and refusal to use it and commitment to fight against it, is the heart, the very heart, of anarchist theory.  It also is a critical foundation of really being able to love.  It is at this point that Ellul’s seventh-day-rest-spanning-all-of-human-history theory proves itself viable.  We are dealing with a watchmaker, one who loves his watch so much he’d hear it chime wrong all day long rather than build another.

 

•106. Choosing to reject ownership leads directly to two things– F: If one is willing to give everything material one has to anyone who asks or needs then one needs to be ready to subsist on only what is truly necessary for one to live or accomplish what one wants to, or…well, yeah, those are really the only two things around which a course of action can be based: either one just lives to live or one lives to do something, excluding of course living to die or living to make it to the next world, which are both goal-oriented in their way.  But getting back to it.  Necessity when defined as the bare minimum of what is critical with no excess or flourish will lead one to greater freedom, greater truth, greater independence, and greater peace.  Truly, for some more and more and more money is good, because their freely chosen life involves the specific point of spending as much fucking money as possible.  That is their project.  Even an insurrectionist could have this as their project, assuming that they were an individualist/egoist too, and that they wanted most with their life to give masses of people masses of money in exchange for products and services.  But in another way necessity points out that there is no reason to not give hundreds of dollars to a comrade who asks for it, even if you need it for rent, because the worst that could happen would be that you get evicted.  And one does not need to live indoors.  (Of course there are stipulations involved with this: gender, court situations, networks of support that the money is already involved in bolstering, etc.  But it goes to show how fucking scared we are.  Again, even here the worst that could happen would be that you get tortured heinously and fucking murdered.  Life itself seems unnecessary, the author feels like saying.  But that’s coming from someone who relatively firmly believes in an afterlife and has already destroyed most of their foundations.  And shit, I’d like to avoid getting heinously tortured for the next sixty years.  Especially since I wouldn’t want to break under torture and betray myself, my God, my friends.  The idea that those around one are not extremely high spiritually-paid actors really leaves there to be very little else to guess about though.  What else could be fucking going on?  If it’s not something like that then who f-ing cares what we do.  Just help others, stay sane and safe, and wait to die.  And if sober narrative is correct why the fuck don’t people act based on this obvious truth?  And then the fact that God is most likely with one all the time serves to only make everything hundreds of times more ridiculous.  How could it not?)

E: The other thing communalizing the material wealth under one’s control leads to is consideration of theft.  If sober narrative is true and other people aren’t highly paid actors then the fuckers are robbing the shit out of everyone and out of everyone that you know and respect, unless you who are reading this now are some upper-class who-knows-what, in which case– quit bein’ an asshole.  Give your shit to some sad kid who doesn’t have shit, they’re all out there on all the streets of all our cities, wandering the country waiting for life to prove that it is good and loves them and that magic is real.  I mean really!  Plus- you gotta get through that needle and you can’t do it with pockets the size of a camel’s ass.  But really, for the rest of the destitute, proles and lumpen-proles: they are very fucking seriously stealing our lives away; they do it legally when they can and they built this shit to make it easy, easy for certain types of people- the types of people that build systems of power and deception because they know how to use them to get what they want.  They want power.  They want it.  How much more backwards can you get?  I mean, ‘Gladiator’, the movie… ‘If you want to be a cop you should not be allowed to be one.  If you want to be a judge you should not be allowed to be one.’  And we are the only ones, excepting for the miraculous which can and one day will stop all the bullshit, -we are the only ones who can disallow them.  For every one of our people jailed and killed one of theirs meets the same fate—this has been said by pissed off insurrectionists for hundreds of years, not to mention by everyone else since the fall or whenever.  Pretty much though: the more you think you have to play by their rules the more fucked you will end up being.  Steal from them.  They are stealing from you.  And they will judge you by a morality they do not uphold.  Do not let their morality crush you.  They are wrong.  We are the true, and the free, and the beautiful.  They never even tried.

 

•107. ‘In order to clear the field of these miserable thoughts, it is worth the effort to remember a few things. There are not two worlds, ours and theirs, and even if, to be absurd, they did exist, how could they be made to co-exist? There is a single world, the world of authority and money, of exploitation and obedience: the world in which we are all forced to live. It is impossible to pretend that we are outside. This is why we cannot allow ourselves to be indifferent, this is why we cannot manage to ignore it. If we oppose ourselves to the state, if we are always quick to seize the occasion to attack it, it is not because we are indirectly molded by it, it is not because we have sacrificed our desires on the altar of revolution, but because our desires cannot be realized as long as the state exists, as long as any Power exists. The revolution does not distract us from our dreams, but rather is the only possibility that allows the conditions for their realization. We want to overturn this world as quickly as possible here and now, because here and now there are only barracks, courts, banks, concrete, supermarkets, prisons. Here and now there is only exploitation, while freedom, as we understand it, does not really exist.  —  This does not mean that we give up on creating spaces of our own in which to experiment with the relationships that we prefer. It only means that these spaces, these relationships, do not represent the complete freedom that we desire for ourselves and for everyone. They are a step, but not the final one, much less the definitive one. A freedom that ends on the threshold of our occupied house, of our “free” commune, is not enough, it does not satisfy us. Such freedom is illusory, because it frees only as long as we stay at home and don’t leave the confines that are imposed on us. If we don’t consider the necessity of attacking the state (and there is much that we could say about this concept of “attack”), then, by definition, we can only do what it allows us to do at its convenience, forever, limiting ourselves to surviving in the little “happy isle” that we will build ourselves. Keeping our distance from the state means conserving life, confronting it means living.’

 

•108.    ‘Is your love really Love?                                Is your god really God?

Is my love really Love?                                  Is my god really God?
I think our love isn’t Love,                             I think our god isn’t God,
Unless it’s Love to the end.                            If he fits inside our heads.’

•109. ‘Although we don’t have exhaustive truth we do have truth.’  This author basically claims agnosticism as their stance when it comes to every truth statement, excepting for one: that Jesus is the Messiah of God, that he can save humanity, and that he lives.  With this said, daily decisions still have to be made, and non-dominance and non-exploitation are pretty good principles to guide decision-making processes.

 

•110. ‘It is safe to say that it is a bit humiliating to discover people who speak of self-determination, anarchy and revolution who are totally incapable of carrying out an internal revolution that is necessary for destroying authoritarianism in whatever form it manifests itself.  Liberation cannot be separated from a profound critique of the patho-genic germs of Power, present in every one of us.  Thus the need for self-criticism, that individual process of self-analysis that is part of every libertarian, through which they constantly bring into question their way of thinking, acting, speaking, and relating with others.’

 

•111.

1)‘Bring me hearts – I’ll break them. Give me poisons – I’ll take them. If I could If I could Trade this ache For indifference, All fucked up With bitterness, All fucked up All fucked up. Yeah take everything, fake everything, break everything, fuck everything. Heart as black as the sun On the day that will come when it never ever rises again, And where do you go when you’ve lost your way, Inside, and everywhere you turn it’s all the same? Where do you go when there’s nowhere to go? You froze in your tracks, something broke and you Gave up. And it makes me want to cry.’

 

2) ‘Tied by words never spoken, songs left unsung Vows that were bent rather than broken Locked chambers that will never open And none on this earth will ever get what they want And that is beautiful, or close enough And we’ll clutch our regrets Shut out the rest Cut out the hearts from our chests And we move Eyes shut, silent, hand in hand Towards a broken promised land When those before you lost their heads upon the block Or sold themselves into the service of the Snakes as new gods Reshape the world in their own image And all the others turn their eyes away We will set out with a fire in our hearts With a desire that cannot be bought To snatch the morning from the jaws of the night To take the dead and bring them back to life Duende nowordsnotouchnosleepnotrustnohope nofaithnorestingplace From childhood schemes on stranger’s floors To sickbeds, cells And foreign shores Homeless Heartless Restless Selfless Lifeless Loveless Less and Less and Less’

 

•112.

1)                 ‘There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold’

 

2)                                   ‘The wind hammers the glass’

 

•113. ‘As anarchists peace is not our top priority.  The revolutionary destruction of the state and capitalism would put an end to institutional violence, but conflicts between individuals would still exist, and since the institutions of state violence are also the institutions of control their destruction would mean that individuals would have to work out these conflicts themselves in their own way—and that may include violence.  In my opinion, this would not be a bad thing.  The institutions through which social peace has been maintained are the same as those through which domination is maintained, and the point is to end all domination.’

 

•114. ‘Analysis that does not arise from one’s desire to reappropriate life here and now tends to reinforce domination, because it either remains baseless or turns to an ideology or political program as its base. A great deal of what passes for social analysis today falls into the former realm. Having no base from which they make their critique, those who follow this path tend to fall into a ceaseless round of deconstruction that ultimately concludes that domination is everywhere and nowhere, that freedom is impossible and that, therefore, we should just make the best of it either through conformity or the staged oppositional games of various groups which in actuality are intended to challenge nothing. Arguably, this is not analysis at all, but an excuse for avoiding real analysis, and with it concrete revolt.’

•115. Emile Henry’s Defense speech, April, 1894:

‘It is not a defence that I present to you. I am not in any way seeking to escape the reprisals of the society I have attacked. Besides, I acknowledge only one tribunal -myself, and the verdict of any other is meaningless to me. I wish merely to give you an explanation of my acts and to tell you how I was led to perform them. I have been an anarchist for only a short time. It was as recently as the middle of the year 1891 that I entered the revolutionary movement, Up to that time, I had lived in circles entirely imbued with current morality. I had been accustomed to respect and even to love the principles of fatherland and family, of authority and property. For teachers in the present generation too often forget one thing; it is that life, with its struggles and defeats, its injustices and iniquities, takes upon itself indiscreetly to open the eyes of the ignorant to reality. This happened to me, as it happens to everyone. I had been told that life was easy, that it was wide open to those who were intelligent and energetic; experience showed me that only the cynical and the servile were able to secure good seats at the banquet. I had been told that our social institutions were founded on justice and equality; I observed all around me nothing but lies and impostures. Each day I shed an illusion. Everywhere I went, I witnessed the same miseries among some, and the same joys among others. I was not slow to understand that the grand words I had been taught to venerate: honour, devotion, duty, were only the mask that concealed the most shameful basenesses. The manufacturer who created a colossal fortune out of the toil of workers who lacked everything was an honest gentleman. The deputy and the minister, their hands ever open for bribes, were devoted to the public good. The officer who experimented with a new type of rifle on children of seven had done his duty, and, openly in parliament, the president of the council congratulated him! Everything I saw revolted me, and my intelligence was attracted by criticism of the existing social organization. Such criticism has been made too often for me to repeat it. It is enough to say that I became the enemy of a society that I judged to be criminal. Drawn at first to socialism, I was not slow in separating myself from that party. I have too much love of freedom, too much respect for individual initiative, too much repugnance for military organization, to assume a number in the ordered army of the fourth estate. Besides, I realized that basically socialism changes nothing in the existing order. It maintains the principle of authority, and, whatever self-styled free-thinkers may say about it, that principle is no more than the antiquated survival of faith in a superior power. Scientific studies gradually made me aware of the play of natural forces in the universe. I became materialist and atheist; I came to realize that modern science discards the hypothesis of God, of which it has no need. In the same way, religious and authoritarian morality, which are based on false assumptions, should be allowed to disappear. What then, I asked myself, was the new morality in harmony with the laws of nature that might regenerate the old world and give birth to a happy humanity? It was at this moment that I came into contact with a group of anarchist comrades whom I consider, even today, among the best I have ever known. The character of these men immediately captivated me. I discerned in them a great sincerity, a total frankness, a searching distrust of all prejudices, and I wanted to understand the idea that produced men so different from anyone I had encountered up to that point. The idea – as soon as I embraced it – found in my mind a soil completely prepared by observation and personal reflection to receive it. It merely gave precision to what already existed there in vague and wavering form. In my turn I became an anarchist. I do not need to develop on this occasion the whole theory of anarchism. I merely wish to emphasize its revolutionary aspect, the destructive and negative aspect that brings me here before you. At this moment of embittered struggle between the middle class and its enemies, I am almost tempted to say, with Souvarine in Germinal: ’All discussions about the future are criminal, since they hinder pure and simple destruction and slow down the march of the revolution…’ I brought with me into the struggle a profound hatred which every day was renewed by the spectacle of this society where everything is base, everything is equivocal, everything is ugly, where everything is an impediment to the outflow of human passions, to the generous impulses of the heart, to the free flight of thought. I wanted to strike as strongly and as justly as I could. Let us start then with the first attempt I made, the explosion in the Rue des Bon-Enfants. I had followed closely the events at Carmaux. The first news of the strike had filled me with joy. The miners seemed at last to have abandoned those useless pacific strikes in which the trusting worker patiently waits for his few francs to triumph over the company’s millions. They seemed to have entered on a way of violence which manifested itself resolutely on the 15th August 1892. The offices and buildings of the mine were invaded by a crowd of people tired of suffering without reprisals; justice was about to be wrought on the engineer whom his workers so deeply hated, when the timorous ones chose to interfere. Who were these men? The same who cause the miscarriage of all revolutionary movements because they fear that the people, once they act freely, will no longer obey their voices; those who persuade thousands of men to endure privations month after month so as to beat the drum over their sufferings and create for themselves a popularity that will put them into office: such men – I mean the socialist leaders – in fact assumed the leadership of the strike movement. Immediately a wave of glib gentlemen appeared in the region; they put themselves entirely at the disposition of the struggle, organized subscriptions, arranged conferences and appealed on all sides for funds. The miners surrendered all initiative into their hands, and what happened, everyone knows. The strike went on and on, and the miners established the most intimate acquaintance with hunger, which became their habitual companion; they used up the tiny reserve fund of their syndicate and of the other organizations which came to their help, and then, at the end of two months, they returned crestfallen to their pit, more wretched than ever before. It would have been so simple in the beginning to have attacked the Company in its only sensitive spot, the financial one; to have burnt the stocks of coal, to have broken the mining machines, to have demolished the drainage pumps. Then, certainly, the Company would have very soon capitulated. But the great pontiff’s of socialism would not allow such procedures because they are anarchist procedures. At such games one runs the risk of prison and – who knows? -perhaps one of those bullets that performed so miraculously at Fourmies? That is not the way to win seats on municipal council’s or in legislatures. In brief, having been momentarily troubled, order reigned once again at Carmaux. More powerful than ever, the Company continued its exploitation, and the gentlemen shareholders congratulated themselves on the happy outcome of the strike. Their dividends would be even more pleasant to gather in. It was then that I decided to intrude among that concert of happy tones a voice the bourgeois had already heard but which they thought had died with Ravachol: the voice of dynamite. I wanted to show the bourgeoisie that henceforward their pleasures would not be untouched, that their insolent triumphs would be disturbed, that their golden calf would rock violently on its pedestal until the final shock that would cast it down among filth and blood. At the same time I wanted to make the miners understand that there is only one category of men, the anarchists, who sincerely resent their sufferings and are willing to avenge them. Such men do not sit in parliament like Monsieur Guesde and his associates, but they march to the guillotine. So I prepared a bomb. At one stage the accusation that had been thrown at Ravachol came to my memory. What about the innocent victims? I soon resolved that question. The building where the Carmaux Company had its offices was inhabited only by bourgeois; hence there would be no innocent victims. The whole of the bourgeoisie lives by the exploitation of the unfortunate, and should expiate its crimes together. So it was with absolute confidence in the legitimacy of my deed that I left my bomb before the door to the Company’s offices. I have already explained my hope, in case my device was discovered before it exploded, that it would go off in the police station, where those it harmed would still be my enemies. Such were the motives that led me to commit the first attempt of which I have been accused. Let us go on to the second incident, of the Café Terminus. I had returned to Paris at the time of the Vaillant affair, and I witnessed the frightful repression that followed the explosion at the PalaisBourbon. I saw the draconian measures which the government decided to take against the anarchists, Everywhere there were spies, and searches, and arrests. A crowd of individuals were indiscriminately rounded up, torn from their families, and thrown into prison. Nobody was concerned about what happened to the wives and children of these comrades while they remained in jail. The anarchist was no longer regarded as a man, but as a wild beast to be hunted everywhere while the bourgeois Press, which is the vile slave of authority, loudly demands his extermination. At the same time, libertarian papers and pamphlets were seized and the right of meeting was abrogated. Worse than that: when it seemed desirable to get one comrade completely out of the way, an informer came and left in his room a packet which he said contained tannin; the next day a search was made, on a warrant dated the previous day, a box of suspicious powders was found, the comrade was taken to court and sentenced to three years in gaol. If you wish to know the truth of that, ask the wretched spy who found his way into the home of comrade Merigeaud! But all such procedures were good because they struck at an enemy who had spread fear, and those who had trembled wanted to display their courage. As the crown of that crusade against the heretics, we heard M. Reynal, Minister of the Interior, declare in the Chamber of Deputies that the measures taken by the government had thrown terror into the camp of the anarchists. But that was not yet enough. A man who had killed nobody was condemned to death. It was necessary to appear brave right to the end, and one fine morning he was guillotined. But, gentlemen of the bourgeoisie, you have reckoned a little too much without your host. You arrested hundreds of men and women, you violated scores of homes, but still outside the prison walls there were men unknown to you who watched from the shadows as you hunted the anarchists, and waited only for the moment that would be favourable for them in their turn to hunt the hunters. Reynal’s words were a challenge thrown before the anarchists. The gauntlet was taken up. The bomb in the Cafe Terminus is the answer to all your violations of freedom, to your arrests, to your searches, to your laws against the Press, to your mass transportations, to your guillotinings. But why, you ask, attack these peaceful cafe guests, who sat listening to music and who, no doubt, were neither judges nor deputies nor bureaucrats? Why? It is very simple. The bourgeoisie did not distinguish among the anarchists. Vaillant, a man on his own, threw a bomb; nine-tenths of the comrades did not even know him. But that meant nothing; the persecution was a mass one, and anyone with the slightest anarchist links was hunted down. And since you hold a whole party responsible for the actions of a single man, and strike indiscriminately, we also strike indiscriminately. Perhaps we should attack only the deputies who make laws against us, the judges who apply those laws, the police who arrest us? I do not agree. These men are only instruments. They do not act in their own name. Their functions were instituted by the bourgeoisie for its own defence. They are no more guilty than the rest of you. Those good bourgeois who hold no office but who reap their dividends and live idly on the profits of the workers’ toil, they also must take their share in the reprisals. And not only they, but all those who are satisfied with the existing order, who applaud the acts of the government and so become its accomplices, those clerks earning three or five hundred francs a month who hate the people even more violently than the rich, that stupid and pretentious mass of folk who always choose the strongest side -in other words, the daily clientele of Terminus and the other great cafés. That is why I struck at random and did not choose my victims! The bourgeoisie must be brought to understand that those who have suffered are tired at last of their sufferings; they are showing their teeth and they will strike all the more brutally if you are brutal with them. They have no respect for human life, because the bourgeoisie themselves have shown they have no care for it. It is not for the assassins who were responsible for the bloody week and for Fourmies to regard others as assassins. We will not spare the women and children of the bourgeois, for the women and children of those we love have not been spared. Must we not count among the innocent victims those children who die slowly of anaemia in the slums because bread is scarce in their houses; those women who grow pale in your workshops, working to earn forty sous a day and fortunate when poverty does not force them into prostitution; those old men whom you have made production machines all their lives and whom you cast on to the waste heap or into the workhouse when their strength has worn away? At least have the courage of your crimes, gentlemen of the bourgeoisie, and grant that our reprisals are completely legitimate. Of course, I am under no illusions. I know my deeds will not yet be understood by the masses who are unprepared for them. Even among the workers, for whom I have fought, there will be many, misled by your newspapers, who will regard me as their enemy. But that does not matter. I am not concerned with anyone’s judgment. Nor am I ignorant of the fact that there are individuals claiming to be anarchists who hasten to disclaim any solidarity with the propagandists of the deed. They seek to establish a subtle distinction between the theoreticians and the terrorists. Too cowardly to risk their own lives, they deny those who act. But the influence they pretend to wield over the revolutionary movement is nil. Today the field is open to action, without weakness or retreat. Alexander Herzen, the Russian revolutionary, once said: ’Of two things one must be chosen: to condemn and march forward, or to pardon and turn back half way.’ We intend neither to pardon nor to turn back, and we shall always march forward until the revolution, which is the goal of our efforts, finally arrives to crown our work with the creation of a free world. In that pitiless war which we have declared on the bourgeoisie, we ask for no pity. We give death, and we know how to endure it. So it is with indifference that I await your verdict. I know that my head is not the last you will cut off; yet others will fall, for the starving are beginning to know the way to your great cafes and restaurants, to the Terminus and Foyot. You will add other names to the bloody list of our dead. You have hanged in Chicago, decapitated in Germany, garotted in Jerez, – shot in Barcelona, guillotined in Montbrison and Paris, but what you will never destroy is anarchy. Its roots are too deep. It is born in the heart of a society that is rotting and falling apart. It is a violent reaction against the established order. It represents all the egalitarian and libertarian aspirations that strike out against authority. It is everywhere, which makes it impossible to contain. It will end by killing you.’                                      –Henry’s interrogation and a letter he wrote from jail outlining anarchist theory, along with the text of this speech, can be found at: theanarchistlibrary.org

 

•116. Three quotes from Christian anarchist philosopher and theologian Jacques Ellul:

D: ‘We may not know what we are talking about, but we do know from what we suffer…’

C: ‘We can only love in the depths of personal freedom.  We have to be free to demonstrate love.  We have to be free either to initiate it or to respond to the love of another.  No constraint, whether moral, social, or contingent, can give rise to love or reciprocate it.  There is no imperative here.  Love arises only on the path of freedom as two freedoms meet.’

 

B: ‘As God works in us to will and to do, we have to accept our responsibility as if we were without God and everything depended on us.’

 

•117.

 

Having freaks and monsters as friends is good, for variety must tip into, if not wander craving through, the swamps of the hideous and the bizarre if it is to be variety at all. Walls are there for throwing oneself against. Tongues are made for lolling and throats for growls; when we crouch and bare our eyes we actually look more human.  And the moon is to be howled at, the heavens – made to resound with our cracking and screeching song.      —

 

 

•118.

 

The sad vandals of the known Beating themselves at nothing. Vague, yes, but not for brokenness; Sickness and the sickness of health… Wrong.  Broken. -You’re weak and you climb all wrong- -You stay desperate and slovenly- -You can’t twist- -You try and then vomit- and I smile There’s a better world.  I need nothing.   A bright shining and its venom A caricature of you I see Venom and a chasm and a kite. Break, rend this mouth into an end Not you.  It is she. She died when she was bitten, She stands caked in dirt and laughing And we will all know- Great bitter sky, leading us into this; There is no other way to go.

 

•119. ‘It’s not that I’m suffering.  I am suffering.’

 

•120. There’s a difference between being completely honest and completely open.  Was the Lord being completely open with the apostle Paul when he was on the road to Damascus?  And if not, was the Lord being completely honest?  If God was ever completely open with any of us could we even survive such an event?

 

•121. It is possible that we may be fully known.

•122. To the degree that you misunderstand what is real and misunderstand what ‘real’ is do you misunderstand God, for God is real.

 

•123. Obsession with the truth is wonderful, and utterly destructive.  It seems that to the degree that one gains peace-of-mind does one, to the exact same degree, give up the act of truth-seeking.

At times one goes at breakneck speed.  Someone remarks: ‘Hey, look here!  A path to truth.’  And one is like: ‘Cool!  Let me go get my catapult.’

 

•124.

 

The protective is never the demanding.  For those born in female bodies in this patriarchal culture the knowledge of what it means to be human is quicker to come by.  The matron will not delimitate the bounds of what her brood must become; she knows what it is to be human because she knows men think that they define it.  Definition is for her the opposite of freedom.  She protects because she knows freedom-to-become must be guarded.  Then again, she does demand; she demands that any who will throttle or define her child, her new being, her individual born of her individual self, must stay the fuck away.  For it is freedom that she guards.

 

•125. If we are walking around and do not feel that we are in the midst of a battle, whether spiritual or political or social or internal, we have assuredly strayed from the path.

 

•126. Mantra #1:              •131.

 

I am they

 

Who I want

 

To become

I know who ∞

 

•127. Mantra #2:

They cannot

 

Take from me

 

What I am

I am free ∞

 

•128. Mantra #3:

Speaking is

 

Not needed

 

Movement is

 

Not needed

 

 

We are going to die.

Recall this

 

It is all

 

Meaningless

Purposeless ∞

•129. Mantra #4:       •132.

 

‘Yet one must spend one’s time in some way.’

No one knows

 

What must be

 

Nor can they

 

Direct me

 

What is true

 

Is always

 

Everywhere

Every day ∞

 

•130. Mantra #5:

I alone

 

Know the way

I must go ∞

 

•133. ‘First decree and law written into being in this new world we have made:

All those who work in banks must dress as clowns.  When referring to this decree the clowns can only repeat ‘It’s the law’ which must be said in a squeaky clown voice.  Second decree and law written into being in this new world we have made: All those who work in law enforcement must dress as flowers.  Beat cops as sunflowers, highway patrol as daisies, security guards as daffodils, sheriffs: tulips.  Third decree and law written into being in this new world we have made: All those who are elected officials must dress as fish.  A hook will be pierced through each of their cheeks attached to which will be a line that will trail behind them on the ground amidst the stepping feet of the electoral body.  Fourth and final decree: All landlords must dress as monkeys.  Rent from here forthwith is one banana per month for all residences of all kinds.’

 

•134. Only God is good.

 

•135. Sometimes some say they feel no comfort within their own skin unless they belong to someone.

 

•136.

Suffer, youth

Explain things to yourself

Not to others

Not to her.

 

She hears and it is known

But is not right.

When not said it is

Transmuted into sight.

 

Lazy eyes and only this to see:

Bodies, and pure

Physicality.

 

Traded one trait for another

Yet come to need it later on.

I do not share her ground

So she’ll have to go alone.

•137.

 

When Mars was first mapped, long before the depiction to the left was drawn up, the details of the planet were written in the juice of a red berry, which was procured through the chewing of the berry.  The juice was collected then as it dribbled down the face and neck of the mapmaker.

 

•138. There are class-traitors, race-traitors, traitors of nation, and species.  Depend-ing on the level of privilege one begins with they can all be righteous callings.

 

•139. Note on text:  [First: Each facet of a gem can send out a refraction of light in one thousand different directions, depending on the angle of the light going toward it.  So then, Revelation, 14:1 NKJV ‘Then I looked, and behold, a Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His Father’s name written on their foreheads.’  And then Revelation 21:9-17 NKJV ‘Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”  And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.  Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.  Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the namesof the twelve apostles of the Lamb.  And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.  Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel.’

Second: It must be kept in mind: only certain scrolls are meant to be eaten, and this- upon this paper, in its entirety, is not one of them.  There is only one who is true.  And I, compiler and humble and miserable author of this issue, am not He.]

 

•140.

 

 

•141. (up)

 

•142. There appear to be two choices. One can try their hand at saving themselves. Or one can ask to be and hope to be saved by another.  It appears that nothing one can do or not do will ever save one.  Know though, that there is a savior, Yahshua Messiah, Jesus the Christ.  And He does have the power to save, even you.

•143. Either worldwide war, starvation, suffering, and death is an elaborate act and hoax and play, or—we should not ever, under any circumstances at this current point in history, try to live like we are in heaven or try to convince others that they are in heaven.  LeGuin writes, in her story The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, a story about a city of happiness whose happiness is contingent on one miserable child shut away in a room of filth and darkness and dark disgusting fear:

‘At times one of the adolescent girls or boys who go see the child does not go home to weep or rage, does not, in fact, go home at all. Sometimes also a man or a woman much older falls silent for a day or two, then leaves home. These people go out into the street, and walk down the street alone. They keep walking, and walk straight out of the city of Omelas… They keep walking across the farmlands of Omelas. Each one goes alone, youth or girl, man or woman.  Night falls; the traveler must pass down village streets, between the houses with yellow-lit windows, and on out into the darkness of the fields. Each alone, they go west or north, towards the mountains. They go on. They leave Omelas, they walk ahead into the darkness, and they do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.’

•144.

1)What a plain face                          2)Lie.  Lie to get there, lie!

Is it not violent?                              Starve

Is it elementary?                              Starve and burn up your past

Cough on your hope                                               Prune the end pieces

There—a blasting furnace                   And torture yourself.

For you to fall into.                                       The insignificant abounds

Tripped on the rope                          Everything is made to be forgotten

Wound round an upraised hand            No one pours their fullness into

I work like clockwork                                              This racing hatred

But you do not understand.                 This calamity, our life.

What could I promise                        The wonder and the magic and the lone seeker

That my silence could not deliver?         Who does all his own talking

What ghost comes in                         But no one speaks into our emptiness

A shiver of a daughter,                       So break it within yourself.

A shudder of a son?                          You, you can gain this

Again and again and again                  You can give me what I want:

You shut the oven door.                     Fierce disregard, Obsession

Pixilated workface firework                  Dedication, An End to This.

And the ghost—

 

The ghost of your voice calling

We have too much, too many choices      A:

So we stay in the orchards.

 

3)You brush before you floss

You saw before you sand

You grow a tree before you

Pluck an apple

You drink a glass of water

Before you throw up

 

It’s good.  It’s done.

You dig in the ground.

 

Pretend To let it go Then really Go away This tension In the breast There must be A quicker way Small things That one can do When will One start to act? ‘Will efforts To understand Succeed If I attack?’ Never Let it go Run And do not stop You must escape Your bondage You must escape Your bondage You must escape Your bondage

 

 

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